An Absence of Logic

Column Day. This week I tackle one of the great challenges of parenting: your children seldom adhere to the principles of logic.

(Also, this week I let slip a truth about our youngest’s eating habits: there are a lot of hot dogs and Honeycombs involved. So be it.)

Some of the younger members of my household also struggle with the relationship between cause and effect. Our five-year-old is a very curious, experiential boy. He has to test everything out with his own hands.

But he hasn’t quite grasped the equation that A) If I tell you not to do something, and B) you do it anyway, C) you will get in trouble. We’re still waiting for that particular segment of his brain to start firing on all cylinders.

At Home

Column day. This week I highlight some of our favourite places to explore here in Nova Scotia.

In other news, we made the big move this week and we’re settling into our new house. There are still boxes and random piles strewn everywhere, but we’re here. And it feels like we’re home.

The view from the backyard.

The War Against Stuff

Column Day. This week I describe how family life involves a never-ending struggle against the steady accumulation of more stuff.

This is fresh on my mind as the boxes pile up around our house in preparation of moving day. This will be our third house in 8.5 years of marriage. A colleague and I were agreeing today that it’s good to move, or at least think about moving, every five years, because it puts you in the mindset to purge.

If you have to stop and think at all about “Would I really bother to pack this and take it to another place?” then the answer is you can probably live without it.

Mother’s Day Adventures

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms out there. Especially, of course, to my own favourite ladies–my mom and my wife, who are both superstars.

We had an eventful Mother’s Day. It started around six a.m. when the oldest crept into our room to wake me up to help him make breakfast for Mommy. I tried to explain, in my quietest voice, that Mommy would appreciate it very much if we let her sleep in and therefore it was way too early to make breakfast. He and I had an extended whisper-fight, but in the end I chased him off and bought another half-hour of sleep.

We served breakfast around 7:30–bacon, eggs, toast, tea, and peaches O. picked out special at Pete’s Frootique on Saturday. X made Shawna a Mother’s Day card out of Lego and gave her a ticket to the gymnastics show he then staged in his sister’s bedroom. Much tumbling ensued.

In Which I Explain the Rules of Pooball

Column day… actually, Day After Column Day. Between my brother’s birthday, a few unexpected errands and the ongoing process of packing, I didn’t have much time to get to the computer last night. So here is yesterday’s column, which is all about the virtues of laughter. And inventing silly sports.

Humour helps me stay afloat some days. After all, you can’t spell “function” without “fun.”

It helps that my children are very funny. If you read this blog on a regular basis, you know one of my favourite things to do is report the ridiculous things we say to each other. Just at bedtime alone last night, Oscar and I had the following exchanges:

Me: Actually, a book would make a lousy parachute.

Him: What’s this stuff all over my pillow?
Me: Oh yeah, I keep forgetting to clean up that blood.

Him: You know, I can run faster than the speed of light. Dad,  can we ride on a supersonic jet soon?

Tonight he asked me a “French math question: What’s bonjour plus bonjour?”

 

Making a Move

Column Day. Today I reveal some news: we’re moving soon. Not far, only about 10 minutes from where we are now. But moving always involves a huge amount of work–especially when you have six people in your family.

We have the added complication that our seven-year-old doesn’t want to move. When we first raised the subject he freaked out. Not that we were surprised; he has a hard time with change and he has strong opinions on everything, so we expected some resistance. So for this week’s column I called in some extra help: I spoke with Patrick McGrath, a child psychologist at the IWK.

Word to the Absurd: Scholarly Edition

First off, Column Day. This week I tackle the tough transitions: getting your kids stop doing their thing and start doing what you’re asking them to do. It’s always tricky, especially if you’re trying to put them to bed.

On a completely unrelated note, I’m overdue for another edition of Word to the Absurd. As always, these are actual things that we have said to each other.  (Though this time we have a special guest: X’s new friend Neighbour Boy, who is kind of awesome.)

Our theme this week is knowledge. Behold our collective wisdom on colours, geology, family relations, and my wife’s surprising deftness with a Star Wars analogy.

Xander: I declare that primary colours don’t exist.

Oscar: Can somebody turn Xander off? He’s being annoying.

Neighbour Boy: (watching my kids fight): I know. When you have too many kids, somethings things just get out of control.

Oscar: Today is Earth Day. Did you know our whole country is moving, a little bit at a time? Some day we might even bump into Japan!

Xander (holding the vacuum): It’s time to conquer the dust bunnies of destruction!

Xander: Orange isn’t a good colour for camouflage. Green and brown are the best camouflage colours.
Me: Well, it depends on your environment. White would be best if you were in snow.
Shawna: See guys, that’s why the Rebels wore white on the planet Hoth so the AT-AT walkers couldn’t see them, but they dressed in green and brown on the moon of Endor.
Me: Wow. You win.