As always, these are actual things that people in our house have said to each other:
Oscar (to Xander): I pretty much love you a thousand percent. But don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret.
Xander: Did you see those moves?
Me: Maybe you should be in taekwondo or something.
Xander: I don’t need any training. I’m like an expert ninja already.
Oscar: That fart smelled so bad it was haunted!
Xander: Daddy, you just need to make a plan and stick to it. Actually, let me make the plan.
Oscar: When I’m a grown-up I’m going to spend all my money on toys and candy.
Me: I wish I could spend all my money on toys and candy. But we also need to eat.
Oscar: Let’s just eat candy!
Oscar: I can’t do what you want me to do because my brain is too tired.