As always, these are things we actually say to each other. This edition is heavy on quotes from Oscar, the household king of the non sequitur:
Oscar: Let’s put this book on pause.
Xander (to me, while I’m eating breakfast and reading the paper): Daddy, are you ready to be fun yet? (Ouch!)
Oscar: I won’t let you build a time machine! It’s too confusing!
Shawna: Oscar, what are you doing to your sister?
Oscar: I’m sabotaging her!
Me: Please don’t put your brother in the dryer.
Oscar: God wants us to fly like the birds and swim like the jellyfish.
Oscar: You have to be quiet. Darth Vader and Dracula are having a nap. (Think I might trademark that for a children’s book title.)
Xander: I have a purse, but it’s full of manly man things.
Oscar: My brain is hot today!