A couple of weeks ago I posted some of the strangest things I’ve ever said out loud to my kids. Of course, the flip side of that is that they often say even more ridiculous things to me, or to each other. Half the time they’re totally serious, which makes it even funnier. And sometimes they amaze us with their profundity. Just the other day Oscar and I had this conversation at the table:
Oscar: When is the end?
Me: The end of what?
Oscar: You know. The end.
Me: You mean, like, the end of the world? Of everything?
Oscar: Yeah. There has to be an end.
So sometimes at our house we ponder eschatology over soggy Rice Krispies, but usually our conversations aren’t quite that deep. Below are just some of the odd things my kids have said lately — and I’m not even going back that far. Most of the these have come in the last week.
Oscar: Daddy, stop that. You are bothering my nerves.
Xander: For your birthday, I’m giving you a fart in a box.
Oscar: Mmm, this juice is cold. When something is cold, that means it’s fresh. ‘Cold’ means ‘fresh’ in French.
Xander: Oscar, you can’t put that on my Lego house! You’re making it NOT SYMMETRICAL!
Oscar (apropos of absolutely nothing): So, when are we going to Madagascar?
Xander (after being offered a new food): I have very sensitive tastes. I don’t think I want to test my sensitivity on that.
Oscar (after climbing out the basement window): Nana, I just defenestrated myself!
Xander: Daddy, I think your bum cheek is exactly the same size as a bowling ball.